I have had
many thoughts about the spoken word/video piece I created. (preliminary title: Hidden In Plain Sight)
(https://www.instagram.com/p/CGyQWVqJTeI/)
It does
not seem to have gained much traction amongst my peers, I wonder if I should
have specified that it was a spoken word work, and not relied on natural
curiosity? That at least is a lesson to be taken on board for next time. The
piece itself was actually very taxing for me to make and post. I am not comfortably putting my own self out
into the world. My voice, my feelings,
in such a brazen manner. So it was a huge positive that I was able to do
that. Whether that is repeatable. I am
unsure. Certainly the source for the piece is somewhat exhausted now, as I shall
attempt to explain shortly.
The words I spoke. They had no
preplanned emotional expression, I just wanted to read them and see how they
fell. Thinking on this, I then wondered
how they would have come out had I expressed them in a different environment. My original plan was to recite them while
walking at night, recording my steps through a rainy city, the lights
reflecting off of wet surfaces, but that proved to be too difficult,
logistically at this point in time. But
would those words have had different cadence, different subtle intonations, had
that been the situation? They certainly
sounded different, more broken, in the environment they were expressed in.
I could,
one supposes, take those same words and repeat them in different places, if just
to see how different they can sound, but I am unsure of repeating myself. It’s not something I feel comfortable
with. Familiarity could potentially dull
the impact, even if new facets could emerge from new locations. It’s something I need to think about. After all, the songs themselves would have
been performed in multiple locations, to multiple reactions, across the course
of their existences.
The words
themselves relate to my emergent theme of love, loss and obsession. An ex friend made a mix CD for me, many moons
ago, when that was still the done thing.
I took a line from each song in
order, in an attempt to see if a
narrative could be crafted from it. That
there was one, and that it emerged so strongly was a pleasant surprise.
The way that even the German language line seemed to fit perfectly into the
‘right’ place in the narrative… it makes me wonder about the person who made
the CD even more now. The work was fed
on obsession, and feeds my obsession in turn, an ouroboros of feeling and
emotion and art. Rather nice, really.
So, I am
recontextualizing words, lines from songs.
Strip them from their original context almost completely. No music, no cadence, no rhythm, not even the
context of the verses and choruses they were originally part of. But keep them
as a whole, like the CD they came from, and try and find an emotional
newness. Fueled by the person who made
the CD, her touch, thoughts, intent still present, but stripped and changed. These are deep concepts for me, at least.
I have
never considered myself a performer or actor.
That might have to change. If I
am still not comfortable seeing myself on camera, maybe I can learn to live
with my voice.
Heart beats faster from inside. Thought it was a big charade.... truth of the matter is I'm complicated. You're as straight as they come. Take it away, I never had it anyway. You think it's all for show? But this is the only way I know. When the truth is found to be lies and all the joy inside you dies? You can feel his disease! So, are we lost or do we know which direction we should go? Now you've disappeared, I hear you breathe so far from here, and now it's starting to rain. We'll tell lies about each other. I love you. I hate you. I can't get around you. We'll never be the same again, never feel this way again. Speak the truth about me. It's taken so long to come true, it's just a kiss away. Whatever tomorrow brings... tut mir nicht leid. Pick me up now, I need you so bad.
But see how deep the bullet lies.
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