Painting

Back on the ole paper shapes grind.

Audible sighs.

It's tricky, really.  Everybody seems to have been galvanised by the move to working from found objects, and the step back has been demoralising to the class.  I understand, both sides of the group working from the same source means everyone has a comparable base to examine.  But everyone is done, mentally, with those shapes now. 

So anyway.  Painting is a bit misleading as a title, as this was more an 'Ink Washing' sort of exercise.  Very tricky to get my head around to begin with.  It's been a long time since I worked a wash, (less so ink, of course) and the white on white of the paper pieces was another challenge, even more so given my images are very flat.  Not much room to get into the creases and crumples when there isn't any.  First four images didn't work too well, but I was starting to get a handle on the ink at least, and I was annoyed with myself that I rushed the last one, and got some nasty bleed.

After a quick break we returned and really seemed as a group to get tuned into the medium. Speaking for myself, I learned a bit of patience and not to rush the work.  Delicate work isn't my forte, and so I was pleased with how the next couple came out, the first one back certainly had a very painterly quality. 

But it all seemed to be lost again after lunch.  Adding white paint to the mix, to try and pull back some areas that had maybe gone dark.  Something had changed though, and although the first one of the new set wasn't too bad, after that the works tailed off.  The end of day couldn't really come quick enough, and the mood in the room fell off pretty quick.

Why Draw? 5

The objects we bought from home were used today, for the firstest ever time!  My objects were an old Samsung smartphone, and old Rock Lord toy and a Generation 1 Crosshairs from 1988.  Of course I'm gonna draw the Transformer...

So now Crosshairs is a social media star, appearing on the Derby Uni Fine Art Instagram, in both plastic and art interpreted form.  Crazy.

Spent a lot of time working up a lot of large images on the keyword 'expressive' some more successful than others.  The general feeling was that my more pictoral images were less expressive, but I would argue that.  You can be pictoral and expressive both, and my observational drawings are a lot tighter than the first image above, but it seems that to a general audience expressive means almost abstract, so I pushed in that direction.  My expression veered towards an expression of frustration at times, and things started to head towards a minimalist approach for a time.   I found some images that I liked and worked well together, although still more minimalist than expressive to my mind.  Ah well, onwards and upwards!

Why Draw? 3

YEAR ONE DAY NINE

Morning of super quick drawings in sketchbook.  Started with a fifteen minute warm up, then a ten minute one.  Then just a line drawing, then two drawings consisting of one continuous unbroken line.  Then a short break, a longer drawing again, and then two left handed drawings.  and finally closing out with a series of drawings in ever decreasing time frames from a minute down to five seconds.  It was a challenge and a good one, although pretty intensive.  I think some folks were pretty done with the drawing for the day.

Worked on a few more things in the sketchbook, and then bailed at about three. 

I think things are going well.

Why Draw? 2

YEAR ONE DAY EIGHT

Studio day.  Not much to say, blew through about twelve pages of my sketchbook.  Taking images in new abstract directions, crossing pages, using weird new media.   Looks good or shoddy, depending on the page, but that's what Sketchbooks are for, right?

Tired and not much to analyse today, really.

Printmaking

YEAR ONE DAY SEVEN

I didn't take many pictures today.  I thought I had. 

Print room induction today, and introduced to a practice I believe was called Callographing.  It took a a while to get going, as we were making plates from Enviromount, a cheap form of mountboard. The thing with this material is it is made from three distinct layers, so when you have your shape cut out, you can then dig down to those layers, creating different textures as the different qualities of it's construction come to the fore.  And them you can do all the more 'drawing' stuff on top, score lines, make holes, pinpricks.  It is surprisingly malleable.

Then the plates needed varnishing, and let alone for an hour or so to set and make non-porous.

I think I struggled with the initial shapes, I tend to find bold simple lines and not the more subtle textures that my fellow students were able to produce, and then I compounded my error by adding too much ink to the plates on the first try.  I had to stop for a little bit there, and let my mind almost reset and process what I'd done and learn from it.   After watching the rest of the groups first run prints being made, while they started the second runs, my time was spent trying to clean the plates rears of ink.

So I came into my second run late, and it was a more successful try.  After that, I started experimenting, first on a piece that had been created yesterday instead of onto a plain sheet of paper, and then by reprinting onto the same sheet multiple times with the same image, getting a cascadeing and fading effect that I kind of liked.

I'm considering returning at some point later in the week if I have chance.

Why Draw?

YEAR ONE DAY SIX

I wonder how long I can keep that up?

Anyway.  Good day today.    Asked us to consider the questions 'Why draw?' and 'What is drawing?' (note, I've started pronouncing the 'w' in drawing like a fuckin' Jersey accent).  Upshot being that we were set with Tasks.  One: fill sketchbook with drawings of the object from week one, and two: flatten out the objects to form a kind of 3D to 2D drawing, and then use that as the basis of more drawings.

Shapes flattened

Using compressed charcoal and a couple of other materials (Graphite might have been one, I'll update when I remember), started off by taking rubbings of the flattened shapes.  After seeing how the shapes fit on the paper, began to play around with making more complete pieces.  Then some of us took the original shapes and had a play on the photocopier, which produced some new perspectives and opened up new avenues to explore.   

3D shapes photocopied, producing 2D shapes

The aim of the afternoon work was to reduce the pile down to 3-5 images (photocopies included).  I kind of cheated as the photocopies had produced to images I wanted to chase up, so after working on the first for a while, I quickly pulled out  a couple for the second image.  So I ended up with two sets of images, each consisting of three images.

I'm not Christie

Folding Paper 5

YEAR ONE DAY FIVE

You will never guess.  I mean, okay you probably will, you've read the blog title.  I hope.  Aw, who am I kidding, nobody reads this.  Just my voice bleating into the darkness.  Trying to make meaning from my days actions and usually failing. 

Jeez, look at that.  Took punk to be goth and too depressed to be either.  Grunge it do be then, a dead genre for a depressed soul.

Anyway, more paper folding.  I was only in for a couple of hours before my hypnotherapy session.  And I must say, I think everyone else is handling this a lot better than I am, the works that my fellow students are creating is so good, I'm feeling a tad...  out of place. I've struggled to hit a consistent level, whereas everyone else seems to be getting better and better.  Maybe my level isn't that high after all?

But to be fair, I've always struggled to translate the things in my head to the real world anyway.  I'm clumsy and too big to be an intricate artist, and that's something that's always been the case. I can paint what I like, and that's tided me over.   It's only being taken out of that comfort zone where I'm found wanting.  Just keep pushing, do your best and hope.

So yeah, last day of folding paper.  Clear the decks, one last push and lets see what happens.  And what happens is I take the work from Wednesday, and refine and alter it, cutting into it so the shapes fit together better, are more integrated.  It does not stay together, the shapes are not locked, but I think I learned from yesterday that that's fun.  You can play and move them around, which is cool.  Also it's a little less sexual.  Hooray!

And that's when the inspiration kinda dried up.  To the extent that I'm struggling to even find the enthusiasm to write about those next experiments, to remember what went into making them.  Certainly, there was no verb, I was just playing with the paper, seeing what it would do. So that was a mistake, and probably something I'll need to work on..  I could possibly bullshit a verb and reason backwards, but that wouldn't be honest, to be honest.

So yeah, my therapy threw me out of what little creative headspace I had managed to achieve, and again, being honest, I'm probably not right again yet.  I'm writing this on Saturday, after having been awake since 5am, and I don't know where to go next.

Folding Paper 4

YEAR ONE DAY FOUR

More paper.  More folding.  More lack of progression.

I dunno man.  The work was good, the process fun.  But that was because of the person I was making with, I think.  Jokes and fun and folding and cutting the fucking paper.

Like, overall, the experience is good and I am not regretting the extra time I am spending in the studio.  But this afternoon has felt more stagnant than before, a feeling of repetition. Maybe the thinking was an 'easy' day after a morning of being talked at again, but I think we all wanted to be engaged, something to wake us up. 

Anyway.

Today, we made the paper in teams of two, using a shared verb.  I've forgotten the verb. 

I'm actually struggling to remember this.

We made a shape, with the plan of draping it over the side of the studio.  But when we reached that stage, it looked clumsy, so that idea was dropped.  Working smaller, and playing with those two pieces, moving them around.

And that is literally about it.

Have a picture.

Folding Paper 3

YEAR ONE DAY THREE

Back to basics indeed.  A3 paper.  Scissors allowed, no tape.  ( I didn't bring scissors and didn't fancy dropping money on them in the shop, so we persevere.  I wasn't even supposed to be in today, after all)  And... a frustrating morning, really. Mostly.  Half of it.

Not gonna lie, there did come a point where I wondered what I was doing there.  Everything seemed to be going wrong, and I even had my music on random, thus messing up the music I was listening to.   A3 was proving too big for what I was trying to do, and you'd have thought I'd be primed by yesterday but...  I had no idea how to stabilise the pieces, the paper wouldn't hold a curl and I couldn't tear a straight line (against the grain or with it) to save my life.

I found myself wondering what could be done with a pair of scissors, and realised, not much.  My head, my perception works around bold images.  Straight lines and the way they cut across one another.  Taking shapes out of the paper or adding new structure to the edges wouldn't have helped.  I simply wasn't dealing with the paper as well as I had hoped.

I wasn't even missing the tape.  That would have implied that my objects were working if only I could hold them together, and that wasn't the case.  They were just not working.  I folded some lines randomly across a new sheet, stood it against the wall, and took five minutes out to write and try and pull myself together.

And always remember kids: When in doubt, KISS.

Keep It Simple, Stupid.

So I cam back, and went for the simplest idea I could think of.  Divide the paper into quarters.  fold up from each quarter.  Then fold across the middle, and...  hey, that's not a bad shape, actually.  I liked it.  It had form, structure and depth, and the possibility of variation. So that's what I did.  The next two I made were with some slight variation as to where the main folding over line would go.  Giving extra depth and shadow.  Subtle variations, but variations none the less.  And the fourth had the biggest variance. The fold over line occurred perpendicular to the others.  This produced a much wider, shallower piece.  Similar, but much different.  Taken with the last pre-break object, the five pieces worked well together, forms of a likeness, similarly constructed and born of conflicting emotions, and yet different.  Maybe I'll crack this after all..

There is, I realised later, an inherently sexuality to these.  I'm going to hold off on mentioning that until I see if anyone else picks up on it...

Folding Paper 2

YEAR ONE DAY TWO

Day of mixed halves, really.  More successful morning than afternoon, but a more fun afternoon. Perhaps also first evidence how serious the faculty will be and a difference of tolerance...

So yeah, still folding paper, but with an unsanctioned (at times) rush towards masking tape.In the morning this was okay, as we had, as a group, pushed the objects as far as they could go on a flat surface and wanted a different perspective.  Table, then floor, then...  wall.  Unfortunately the objects didn't lend themselves to unsecured hanging, like, at all. So tape needed to be deployed to aid in that extra experimentation.  Jerry was okay with this (or at least, he raised no objection).  Carl, on the other hand...

I do get the criticism.  I understand the criticism. But I wish the tutors had gotten on the same page beforehand with this.  The goalposts kind of moved between morning and afternoon, and while, with no tutor present in the afternoon people reached for tape and a more pictorial approach both, I feel that certainly in our case, it was an exploration of the inherent design of the paper still.  We just got caught up in the design and it's possibilities and wanted to explore that further, after it had been taken as far as that design could go unaided.

I am sure the tutors would say that they gave us an inch and we took a mile.

An incorrect approach then, rather than anything else.  Taking onboard the crit, and trying to not let my perception of the slightly unfair nature of it colour me, we should have found a way of making the work hold together better, rather than being focused on trying to maintain the purity of the line.

Interestingly, both objects displayed my hallmarks of exploring the intersecionality of lines, which makes me wonder: Despite being in two different groups, was I the dominant personality?  Something to watch for.  Perhaps the nature of the medium just lends itself to that.

Of note, also, that our afternoon group was the only one to not produce something that could be described as a depiction of something.  So we were able to carry that through from the morning sessions too.

And there was some Bauhaus inspired mindfulness, too.  Odd how the Germans came up with an Eastern meditation, isn't it?

Folding Paper

YEAR ONE DAY ONE

Over the summer, there was an exercise.  Pick a verb from a list composed by Richard Serra, and manipulate some sheets of A4 printer paper in the manner of that verb.

So today, for the beginning of my second adventure in University, we do so again, only with a tad more guiding. To whit: Pick a new word from the verb list, find new ways of manipulating.  No outside materials, just folding, tearing, curving and so on.  I think 2D, painter and all that, so I'm trying, as I did over the summer, to not make flat pieces.  Shame the most effective one was 2D. 

My 3D work lack structural integrity, I'm not so good at making things stay upright.  There must be a way of mixing 2 and 3D. 

I don't think I'm overthinking too much yet, more getting carried away with just making.  I found myself just manipulating the paper, making what looked and felt good to make, without any thought to how it related to the base verb. 

The problem there, of course, is that in pulling back and reconsidering the verb, you do start thinking maybe a tad too much.  In my case, pulled out of the moment and then staring at the construction and wondering what the hell I'm doing.

Not helped of course by having to drop out for an hour or so in the middle of everything.  I feel I was very much distracted by my counselling.  I couldn't really shake the negativity for the rest of the afternoon.  I'm still feeling somewhat of an 'otherness', like I don't fit in.  We shall see how it goes.

Fast update

Okay, been a while.  Thinking about art and challenging myself again. So, on the iPad (seriously, this thing has given me a new lease on artistic life, even if I can't seem to escape the artificiality of it) I've try to work on something a little smaller scale with a more restricted almost pastel palette.

I'm actually quite happy with how it turned out.  It's got a kinda isolated landscape quality to it, even though I didn't approach it from that direction.

So where do we go from here with it?  I also worked on a mood painting while watching the film Rush, and that seemed to go okay, even if it's even more artificial.  I might have overused the filters but the speed that they give you is a tremendous time saver.

Not sure where I'm going with this. 

TFNation 2019

What a ride.

A long weekend, from Thursday to Tuesday full of…well, a lot of things.  One of the best things about TFN is reconnecting with people.  I’m pretty bad at talking to folk online.  I was diagnosed as autistic a year or so back, so that makes sense now.  In a purely text based form of communication, I miss out on what the meaning behind the written words actually is,  I’m better face to face because then I can read body language and pick up context.  So online, I’m… a little quieter.  I watch what everyone is saying, but don’t get involved.  So TFN is my one chance to see and interact with all the cool people like how I want to all year, but can’t.  It is so good to finally hear voices and see smiles and indulge in hugs and jokes and hashtag bantz.

And then the social anxiety kicks in, and I retreat into a lot of what I do online.  Sitting on the outside, not sure of how to react.  Do these people really like me?  Really? It’s hard to overcome, but I try.  I don’t think I let it beat me too much this year but the panic was there.

Also something that was giving me anxiety was the Forge.  I’ve done a lot of prep and work for this year and I’ll be honest…it was preying on my mind.  I just wanted to go in and get set up, so being able to do that on the Friday was a huge relief.  It meant I could relax in the evening, and enjoy the company I found myself in.  Kris and Jim…  I thought I was going to die with all the Robocop variants we came up with, but if there isn’t a RoboLollipop Person (“Dead or alive, you’re crossing with me”) in the works by next years TFN, I will have words!  We spent some time mesmerised by dancers in the corridor and just having a good time.

Did I do panels on Friday?  I know I took part in the quiz.  Nailed a couple of pretty tough questions (‘What colour was the Powerlinx symbol on the leader class toys in Energon’ and ‘Which city did Rung hail from’ being the standouts) but ultimately our team just couldn’t pass the bar.  It was a bloody fun time though.  

Saturday was a blast.  The opening ceremony was cool, and the opening videos just get better and better.  I was actually getting emotional from it.  The double teaming from Stan Bush and Kris Carter was just too much! Then a sprint back to the main hall to try and look around before the doors opened, but I was stopped in my tracks by VA and guest, Brian Drummond, who wanted to buy all my Jetstorm prints for his table.  I gave him a healthy discount, (how could I not?) and when he asked if I could get more printed I think I just about professionally exploded.  I hope I kept it together in front of him, and I hope he managed to shift them all.  He’s a dude, is that one.  That was the first highlight of the weekend, speaking as an artist, but not the last.  

I was pretty worried about the Forge most of the weekend.  We didn’t seem to be selling much.  A few folk came by and nodded or pointed at things but moved on.  Yet somehow at the end of the days, we’d made a fair profit.  Most odd.  Just as an FYI people, I want to do more commissions next year!  Hit me up!  I really enjoy being busy behind the table like that, and it keeps me from feeling like I don’t belong.  I wish I could do it more often.  The company was grand, too, and it would not be as special without Lindsey and Gav, who are great company and adopted the Ziltoid puppet I took as a mascot and because my Twitter avatar is Ziltoid, maybe folks would recognise me from it? 

I think our position in the Forge wasn’t the best.  Opposite the entrance doors people ignored us as they rushed in for toys, and didn’t look back on the way out.  Maybe that’s something to look at next year.  Regardless, the Toy-fu section of the stall fared amazingly well and made, if you’ll excuse the language, a shitton of money for charity, and that’s the main thing.  

Second professional highlight was Marian’s reaction to the t-shirt I’d made, based on the design of one of my prints.  I’ve never had someone have such a visceral reaction to something I’d made before and it was humbling and very, very awesome. And skipping ahead a moment, on the Sunday towards the end of the con, I took some of the unsold sketchbooks and gave them to the guest artists.  All of them asked me to sign the books, and seemed genuinely pleased about receiving them, and EJ gave me a small lesson at his table on how to improve my work.  And if that didn’t blow me away, nothing will.  EJ Su has been one of my inspirations for years, and is the reason I got back into Transformers and drawing them in the first place.  So to have that experience…  yeah… wow.  It also gave me the chance to chat with Nick Roche for the first time in a few years, and to chat with Jack Lawrence for the first time ever, I think.  Andrew Griffith is someone I always enjoy having time with and watching him work, and Kei Zama was amazingly cool to hang (and drink!) with all weekend.  

What else stands out?  The Transformers Animated event, which reunited most of the cast of the show to give us a glimpse into what could have been. Chewing the fat in a TGIFriday with Tony, Andy and Aimee.  Standing with Lisa during the cosplay as she explained things. Toy-Fu breaking all the records. The little smile on Turnbulls face as he read the dedication in his copy of the sketchbook. 

Special shoutout to Thunderclash, who stole the show on Saturday night, not only from the Cosplay competition, but the stiff competition of the TFA event. What a guy, indeed.

Oh, yeah.  I bought some toys too.

Oof, this is getting on a bit.  So much gushing.  But that’s what TFN does to you.   Maybe I’ll just close out by saying thanks to all the people who made this such a fun and amazing experience.  My brother Ed, Temple, Kris, Jim, Gav, Lindsey, Lisa, Aimee, Andy T, Andy K, Billy, Dave, Nick, Ralph, Karl, Matt M, Llama, Jo, Kei, Claude, Becka, Jon, Thew, Chris, Geoff, Petrina, Isa, Gareth, Andy S, Zero, James, Mark, Matt D, Colin and all those whose names I was either too drunk or too autistic to remember.  Thank you for an amazing time. You’re all amazing, and you’d better believe it.

And yeah, Sprite.  You were missed.

An Introduction, Of Sorts

Apparently, It's the start of the academic year. At least that's what the diary I bought told me.  So, lets start this off.

Hi, I'm Ben and I'm a mature fine art student.

Or at least I will be, once September rolls around and I'm enrolled and all that good stuff.  So, I'm starting a blog, using a name I've had kicking around forever.

Before September, however, there is the small matter of TFNation to attend, a convention in Birmingham that I'll be tabling at.  Third year this time.  Odd to think that.  If I'd started a degree then, I'd be done now...

But anyway. Some background.  I've been drawing Transformers for a while now.  It's the only real geeky/nerdy thing I'm into.  But I've been painting for most of my life.  Stopped for a while, after Real Life got in the way.  But now I'm back and ready to try again.  My second attempt at getting the BA Hons Fine Art.  It should be interesting to see how much better I cope this time around, if at all.  I already have worries and fears, as an older person than most of my soon-to-be-peers, and the fact I've been out of academia so long.  We shall see, I guess.  But like I said, in the meantime I have a Transforming Robot Convention to deal with.  So today, and most of the rest of this week, I'll be working on my last print.  No idea if I'm going to do a run on these, or just keep it for myself, but that's a bridge to be crossed at the printers.

Sneaky peak: here's the pencils:

So, If I come back here to blog before the convention, expect it to be mostly robots, and then we'll swing back into the fine art stuff afterwards, and start to ramp up to being an actual student again.  

Til next time.